From the manuscript
Excerpts
Selected excerpts from the completed memoir SHOT ON VIDEO.
These are actual passages from the memoir, offering a glimpse into
the people, culture, and unexpected moments that shaped the story.
The Prologue
Orange County, 1982
I don’t think my entry into porn can be reduced to a simple origin story—something people reach for to find an “aha!” moment that says it was inevitable. We’re all shaped by the layers of what we see, what we learn, what we experience, what we survive. I had no single introduction to sex—no single turning point from innocence to experience—only layers that built on each other over time. For me, some of those early layers involved exposure to sex that made it feel intriguing rather than taboo, even in circumstances that would leave most people aghast—horrified, even. Today some might call it grooming.
“For me, some of those early layers involved exposure to sex that made it feel intriguing rather than taboo.”
Getting In
The Valley, 1987
I thought the work would come easily once I met more people in the business. Even if I wasn't much of an “actress” (and what porn star is?), I was a show-off. If I were a producer or director, I think I would be thrilled to have someone who genuinely wanted to make movies—no strings, no agendas, no baggage. I’d take a happy exhibitionist over someone who was just there for the money, chasing box covers for dance circuit credibility, feeding a drug habit, or treating it as a stepping stone to “real” acting. In my mind, my reasons were better than most: I wanted to make sex movies and I didn’t want a full-time job.
“Even if I wasn't much of an 'actress' (and what porn star is?), I was a show-off.”
The Dinner Party
The Valley, 1994
As the conversation made a sharp turn, I found out Jack had told Barry and Linda about me a long time ago. They were probably wondering when I was going to bring it up so they could ask questions. I was making an effort not to bring it up, trying not to say something porn-adjacent because I spoke openly about it with Jack. But once it was out in the open, the usual questions arose: How many movies did you make? Did you make a lot of money? What about AIDS? I answered them by rote and the evening became less like a dinner party and more like a personal appearance. I found myself in “Brandy Mode,” minding my public manners, consciously giving equal attention to each person, especially to Linda (because the guys were nearly 100% focused on me), and having absolutely no fun whatsoever.
“I found myself in ‘Brandy Mode,’ ... consciously giving equal attention to each person, ... and having absolutely no fun whatsoever.”
Locations
Avocado Ranch, 1989
Getting to the locations presented a different challenge. Long before GPS devices, we relied on lengthy instructions scribbled down over the phone. In the city it was fairly easy, but we often used a place we called the “avocado ranch” out in rural Simi Valley. It may have actually been an avocado ranch, but I never saw any avocados. The directions to get there were ridiculous, like a left after the second stop sign past a stand of six trees… If you missed it, you were screwed before you even got to the set... Most of us were left to just figure it out and hope we had the location phone number and could find a pay phone if we got lost.
“If you missed it, you were screwed before you even got to the set.”
Want to read more?
The full manuscript is available upon request for established agents and publishers.
Request the Manuscript